The Latest Issue of “Sky Mall”
Whenever I fly across these great states, I always take the opportunity to avail myself of the latest edition of Sky Mall, that wacky airborne catalog that sells damn near everything under the sun, placed conveniently in the seat pocket pouch in damn near every single airline you’ll fly across the continental US of A…They have a monopoly on our minds and souls!
Here are some highlights from the latest catalog, which you are encouraged to take with, as each issue states on the front cover: ”FREE COPY – TAKE IT. WE’LL REPLACE IT!” My only confusion was echoed from an episode, a few years back, of My Name is Earl, when Earl’s brother Randy wondered aloud whether the flight he was on was actually going to stop at The Sky Mall, which indeed I’ve often wondered myself, although I always seem to be on the wrong flights or using an airline that doesn’t make the much anticipated Sky Mall stop on a heavenly city in the clouds….but someday!
We’ll start our SkyMall hit parade with this loser seated in an oversized monstrosity called “The Brobdingnagian Chair”, no doubt named after some stupid ass who wanted to have the best seat in the house…and everybody else be damned.
According to the blurb, this ridiculous chair — which stands an alarming 5 and a half feet tall – is somehow intended for stadium or arena events, so you can sit up higher than anyone else and have the best seat in the house, as opposed to the poor schmuck who ends up behind you and might very well punch your chair right through to your kidneys for being such an inconsiderate dope that you would bring such a stupid chair to an event and consciously impede the view of others, while you’re sitting high in the sky, on this silly oversized testament to all that is wrong and rude in society.
And then there’s this limited SEAL Team Six Smart Money Clip, so you can be one of a chosen few to clip your cash to the seal of the Seals that supposedly killed Osama Bin Laden, who may have already actually been dead for a number of years wagging the dog of democracy.
Now, like the dipshit in his oversized chair, here’s another numb-nut with this monstrosity called a SkyRest, allowing its owner to snooze and drool and point his ugly mug at you during a long flight when it’s all you can do but bust this dumbass in his chops for being…well, a dumbass.
And if you’re looking for thicker, fuller hair in mere weeks, well then Sky Mall seems to have answered all your prayers….
And yet another marvel to deal with the perils of hair loss…
And, of course, the perfect yuletide gift for all you beer swilling, big bellied men out there…
This has been another episode of: “What’s In The Latest Sky Mall?”