For Immediate Release
LINDSAY LOHAN’S CAMPAIGN MANAGER WITHDRAWS SUPPORT
October 23, 2011
Adam Gorightly, National Chairman for Lindsay Lohan’s Presidential Campaign, today withdrew support for his candidate, who he once referred to as “the only hope for America.”
In a surprise announcement delivered at the Washington Press Club, Gorightly took the podium in a sullen and belligerent mood. Visibly intoxicated, and slurring every other word, Gorightly launched a forty minute rant criticizing the Tea Party and Occupy Wall Street movements, claiming both were engineered by, what he termed, ”lluminati fascists based out of Boca Raton, Florida.”
Amid recent reports that Lohan missed a scheduled May 21st (Camping’s Rapture Day) visit to the L.A. County Morgue as part of her court mandated community service, Gorightly stated that “This was the last straw, man, I mean, what a cool fuckin’ thing, to get a chance to visit the L.A. County Morgue where such dead greats as RFK, John Belushi, Lucille Ball and so many other legendary stiffs were rolled in and out of….Shit, I would give my left nut to check that place out, but that stupid bitch can’t even show up for a court appointed fucking community service thing…Fuck it, I’m tired of her horseshit. As of today I’m stepping down as her Campaign Manager and personal boy toy.”
LiLo screws the pooch again!
Gorightly, wearing a Tony Clifton T-shirt, and several times spilling a drink which he refilled from a gallon bottle of Jack Daniels and a bucket of ice at the podium, went on to say “… the only viable candidate, in my estimation, is that crazy fuck Rupert the Antichrist, who ran in 2008, but none of you stupid sonsabitches had the foresight to vote for him, and now you’re paying the price with Obama, whose policies I think suck, but his wife Michele is kinda hot, in my opinion…I like black women.”
Miss Lohan was unavailable for comment.
For the true story of Rupert The AntiChrist go here: