To Boldly Blow…
I stumbled across a website that discusses Star Trek’s porn history, which even includes a few clips of some hilarious softcore Trekkie porn, so tread carefully when going clicky-clicky or you could stumble into some forbidden planet that might get you into hot water with the wife/hubby, etc. (Or conversely, put some spice into your night!). However, if you are not 18, I advise you to steer clear of this vile site, as some of these steamy clips have a lot of nipple action goin’ down, not to mention Spock (or “Sperm” as he is called in the videos) blowing a hot green load all over nurse what’s her name. But let me state for the record, I do not condone the viewing of such filth, and only did so myself for research purposes! Nuff said…
Whatever the case, this article and the assorted pics and vid clips examine Star Trek’s pornographic legacy, starting in the early 70’s when — for some inexplicable reason — a bunch of house wives across this great land of ours started penning fan stories based on the homoerotic exploits of Kirk and Spock.
Funnily enough, I wrote a short story one time that was a Star Trek spoof sort of on a par with National Lampoon’s Bored of the Rings, renaming Kirk and Spock to “Spurk and Cock” and instead of Spock giving his Vulcan hand salute saying “Live Long and Prosper”, his alter-ego, Spurk, would flip the bird and say: “Die Young and Suffer.” The whole concept was an anti-Star Trek type deal where Cock and his crew were on a five year mission to rape and pillage as many star systems as possible.
The seeming undercurrent of interracial sex was always steaming under the surface when Kirk and Uhura shared a scene. In fact, TV’s first interracial liplock went down between the two in the 1968 episode, “Plato’s Stepchildren.”
Even Spock got his rocks off now and then…well, not exactly, but he probably woulda liked to, such as that episode when he went into heat and had to get his ass to planet Vulcan in a hurry to get married and get down with his betrothed Vulcan sweetie or his oversized cranium was gonna explode. However, this episode, “Amok Time”, may have indeed validated the aforementioned Kirk/Spock homoerotic jerk-off fantasy, as ol’ pent-up Spockie was able to release his sexual tension by going mano el mano with Cap Kirk in a battle to the death that didn’t quite end up that way…but let me tell ya, Spock was seein’ red for awhile and wanted to lop Kirk’s head off with some bad ass Vulcan sword and send it back in a box to his mommy earthside. Eventually, though, as we know, Spock snapped out of it when he thought he’d killed Kirk which was just a hypodermic bluff Dr. McCoy suckered him into….Okay, okay, I’ll quit geekin’ out!
Then there was the time Spock startin’ sportin’ a chubby after nurse what’s her name started playing kissy-kissy in the classic episode “Naked Time”, which if it ain’t a seemingly porno title, nuthin’ is. Somehow some wacky spores had got onto the Enterprise and fucked up everybody’s head including Sulu who started sword fighting and chasing Uhura’s skirt as meanwhile Kirk turned into a blubbering sentimental wimp who needed to get a grip.
Apparently, there’s a new book out called “Captain Kirk’s Guide To Women” celebrating the imaginary career of this studly interstellar swordsman, as well a complimentary youtube video featuring Kirk swappin’ spit with one alien broad after another backed by Uhura/ Nichole Nicholls singing an excruciatingly painful version of the Star Trek theme.
Eddie Murphy — long ago, in a star system far, far away when he was still funny and doing his raunchy standup shtick — once described Captain Kirk as being the horniest white mofo in the universe ‘cause he had no reservation whatsoever beddin’ down any green alien dame that crossed his horndog path, no matter what type of intergalactic communicable diseases they might have been carrying. Of course, who wouldn’t be enticed by Yvonne “Batgirl” Craig in green paint doin’ the hootchie-kootchie? Even Spock had to raise a suggestive eyebrow in regards to this clip below.
And now, a gallery of green old school/new school Star Trek women!
And don’t forget this gone green alien gal from an episode of Lost In Space.